


April Fool's

by JenniferSawyer



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Panic Attacks, Poison Mention, reference to being drugged, reference to being tied up, reference to being trapped in the dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:51:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14353953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferSawyer/pseuds/JenniferSawyer
Summary: This is Virgil's first April Fool's Day with the FamILY, and he has no idea what to expect.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a tumblr post, as usual.
> 
> Original post found [here](http://randomslasher.tumblr.com/post/172497360696/hc-that-virgils-previous-april-fools-days-were)

Virgil woke suddenly, his eyes flying open and adrenaline coursing through his veins.  _Oh god._  It was April 1st.

He tried to calm his stuttering lungs, tried to slow his racing heart, but the anxiety was still bubbling up in his chest and clawing at his throat, and it was several minutes before he could take a breath that didn’t shudder when he let it out. He could feel the dread settling in his stomach and tried to swallow past the fear still constricting his throat.

He hated this stupid holiday. There was no telling what would happen, and it only ever seemed to get worse each year.

This would be his first April Fool’s with the FamILY. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of pranks they liked. What kind of tricks he should look out for.

Virgil sighed shakily and sat up. If he’d learned anything, it was that trying to hide away in his room never worked. Sometimes it just made things worse. Like the year  _they’d_  trapped him in his room. He blinked rapidly, trying to shake the memory away. He’d been trapped for what felt like an eternity, fumbling around in the dark like an idiot. They had thought it was hilarious. It wasn’t until a few days after he’d stopped begging that they finally undid whatever it was that had left him unable to leave, unable to see.

Virgil stepped out into the hallway, glancing around carefully before making his way down the stairs. It seemed safe, but he went slowly to make sure. As he neared the kitchen, he could smell coffee and… syrup?

He squinted against the bright lights of the kitchen and hesitated in the doorway, taking in the scene. Patton was humming to himself, adding on to an already huge pile of pancakes. Logan sat at the table sipping from a unicorn mug. Roman wasn’t there yet. Nothing too out of place, but… he had no way to know how good they were at disguising traps. Virgil swallowed. The lump in his throat still remained.

“Mornin’ kiddo! I’m making pancakes, you want some?”

Virgil cleared his throat, still hovering by the doorway. “No thanks, Patton.”

Logan was staring at him. Why was Logan staring at him? Had he missed something already, something that they’d set up to embarrass him or-

“Virgil?”

His eyes caught Logan’s from across the room.

“Are you coming in?”

Oh. Okay, yeah, he’d been standing there for a little too long. Kitchen seemed safe, anyway. Virgil made his way to the coffee pot, not bothering to answer Logan’s question, and grabbed a mug on the way. He wondered if he looked as strange as he felt.

Virgil was reaching for the handle of the coffee pot when he froze. Was he crazy? He knew better than to drink anything today that he hadn’t made himself. Memories of laughter flashed through his mind. Laughter and limbs that wouldn’t respond and rough ropes digging into his skin… no. He wasn’t going to fall for it. Not again.

Virgil put the mug back and hoisted himself up to sit on the counter. Here in the corner was the safest place in the room for sure. No one could sneak up behind him. Virgil crossed his arms, taking note of the strange looks Patton and Logan were giving him.

“You feeling okay, kiddo?” Patton sounded worried. Virgil wondered briefly if this was a tactic to guilt him into falling for some kind of trick. Deceit had been good at that.

“Good morning, compadres!”

Virgil jumped, his heart rate skyrocketing as Roman sauntered through the doorway. The others turned to Roman, seemingly forgetting about Virgil for the moment, and soon they were all getting ready to eat and talking amongst themselves like they usually did at breakfast.

Virgil opted to stay in his corner as long as he could. Maybe if he stayed quiet and out of the way he could make it. Maybe they’d just mess with each other and not him. Maybe…

Virgil had been lost in thought, distracted by his idiotic hopeful thinking, when Patton pointed and yelled, “April fools! I got you, Roman!”

Virgil’s eyes widened and he focused on the others. What happened? What did he miss? He stared at Roman, looking for anything amiss. Roman had just taken the first bite of his breakfast, fork still raised halfway between the plate and his mouth. Oh god, what had Patton done? Virgil felt his chest constrict, felt the fear rise up and freeze his lungs with panic. Was it poisoned? Laced with something? Would they expect Virgil to laugh at whatever happened? What were the consequences if he didn’t? He was always so bad at forcing laughter, what if they–

“You got me padre.” Wait, was Roman smiling?

Patton was practically bouncing in his seat, beaming. “I told you I’d made you chocolate chip pancakes, but I actually made you blueberry instead!”

Wait, what?

Logan rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath and smirking, while Roman and Patton giggled at each other. Virgil sat frozen, still trying to slow his heartbeat and figure out what the hell just happened.

Maybe it was an escalation kind of deal. Like, start small and get progressively worse? Or maybe this was to get his guard down. Or maybe there was something he was missing. He didn’t know. Virgil took a few steadying breaths. It didn’t matter, really. All that mattered was that he had to be vigilant.

It was going to be a long day.

—

This was driving Virgil insane.

It had been hours and nothing had happened yet. What were they waiting for? They’d just been hanging out like usual. Board games and Disney movies and idle conversation. Nothing out of the ordinary. And it was driving him insane.

They were all in the living room now, with the other three relaxing on the couch and Virgil perched on the arm. They’d all been acting normal from what he could tell. Actually, they’d been acting nicer than normal, asking if he was okay or if he needed anything more than once. It was unsettling. Maybe this was all part of it? Maybe being nice was the joke. Maybe the joke was that they actually hated him, maybe the joke was that Virgil wasn’t in on it and they all were, maybe  _he_ was the joke–

He couldn’t take this anymore.

Roman was suggesting another movie to watch when Virgil snapped.

“What are you all waiting for?”

The others quieted, turning to him with alarmed expressions.

“Virgil, what are you taking about?”

“Don’t bullshit me, Princey.” Virgil crossed his arms and stood up, facing them head on. “I just want to get this over with, okay? So go ahead and do whatever it is you’re planning to do so I can be done with it.” He almost managed to get it all out without his voice wavering.

Silence. They were just staring at him like he was crazy. Virgil felt his face heat up and huffed out a frustrated sigh. Roman tilted his head.

“We’re not planning anything, Hot Topic. What’s your deal?”

“It’s April Fool’s!” Virgil hadn’t meant to yell, but he couldn’t seem to stop now that he’d started. “I know something is coming, alright? So just get it over with!”

Patton spoke up, confusion knitting his brows together. “Did you want us to do something special for April Fool’s?”

_Come now, Virgil. We’ve planned something special._

Virgil was frozen for a moment. What? What was he saying? Wait, where was he? Logan stood up and Virgil flinched back involuntarily.

“Virgil, I think it best that you attempt to calm yourself.”

Why did Logan sound so far away? When had Virgil started shaking? He couldn’t–he couldn’t breathe, oh god, what did they do to him? He was dizzy, lightheaded. Was this like last year when–no, he hadn’t drank or eaten anything, so this couldn’t be that, right? God, please, he didn’t want to go through that again, anything but  _that_.

“Please don’t, p-please, I can’t–I’ll do whatever you want just d-don’t–not again, I–”

Panic, panicking, he was panicking, no, no, calm down! They were coming toward him, but no he didn’t want this again. Black spots. Breathe in, breathe out, he had to focus, fight back, he had to  _breathe_ –

—

Fingers combed softly through his hair. It felt nice, and there was something warm and solid under his head. Low voices murmured above him. He was exhausted, but he needed to wake up, right? There was something important, or… he needed to be ready for something. Wait, what day was it?

Virgil shot up and scrambled away. He fell to the floor and looked around wildly, and when his eyes finally focused he saw the other three above him. Patton sat on the couch, with Logan and Roman standing behind it.

“Kiddo.” Patton spoke slowly. Carefully. “You’re safe. Nobody will hurt you, I promise. Okay?”

Virgil blinked a few times, trying to keep the tears away, and his mind slowly cleared. Patton sounded so sincere, so honest. Nothing like  _him_.

“I don’t know what’s… happened. And you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, but,” Patton took a breath. “We’re here for you. If you need anything.”

Several seconds passed in silence before Virgil stood up. He opened his mouth to answer, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He nodded, hoping beyond hope that they would leave him be, and sank out to his room. He was just too tired to fight back.

—

The next day, Virgil woke up in his bed. Safe.

He needed to think.

—

A few days later, Patton heard a knock at his door. He beamed at the possibility of company and went to answer it quickly.

“Virgil? What’s up kiddo?”

“Can we talk?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey look! The part 2 I said I'd never write!

“Can we talk?”

Patton hesitated for only a second, softening a bit at Virgil’s apprehensive tone. “Of course, Kiddo. Come on in.”

Virgil ducked his head as he passed into Patton’s room, taking a deep breath and settling himself onto a bean bag chair. He felt the effects of the room washing over him, a bittersweet mixture of feelings and memories, and he wondered for the millionth time if maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Patton’s room made you remember things.

And not all memories were happy.

Patton closed the door, crossing over to his bed and hopping onto it. He waited patiently for Virgil to say something, but the anxious side stayed quiet. Seconds passed in silence.

“So.” Patton took a breath. “What’s up, Kiddo?”

Virgil shrugged, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie and avoiding Patton’s gaze. How could he even start? He wasn’t exactly sure how to word the questions he had, wasn’t sure what he wanted to get out of this. He wasn’t sure about anything.

Patton waited a few more seconds before getting up and walking over to his desk. He started rummaging through the drawers, searching for… Virgil didn’t know what.

Virgil glanced around, taking in the keepsakes scattered around the room and pictures pinned up all over the walls. He saw some VHS tapes by the foot of Patton’s bed. A PS2 controller on the shelf. A recorder propped up in the corner. So many memories in here. His gaze settled on a pile of old children’s books to his right. Virgil scanned the cover of the one settled on top, and suddenly he had to remind himself to breathe.

It was just a [book](https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/cd4e4f3a-185e-4aa9-bade-40f5d895c3ba_1.d94230ff9c7b97e8cd604abaf8935629.jpeg?odnHeight=450&odnWidth=450&odnBg=FFFFFF). Just a stupid children’s book that Thomas used to read to his cousins when they were small. It was  _just a book_ , but he couldn’t stop staring, staring, staring at the splashes of green and yellow on the cover, the stupid cartoonish depiction of a smiling snake, and then—

_He was stumbling in the dark, thoughts blurry and jumbled. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t think, couldn’t—where was he? He stumbled again, falling to his knees. Why did he feel so heavy? Why couldn’t he focus, just focus, Virgil, **just** —how did he get here? He had been drinking coffee… what was today? Oh, no._

_He looked around, frantic, searching for any sign of light, any sign of anything, anything but the thick blackness, and—there. A flash of something to his right. He crawled toward it, limbs heavy, so heavy, and then he was close enough to make it out._

_An eye. Yellow and glowing and **staring right at him**._

_Panic rocketed through him, desperately pushing him to **get away, get away now** , but everything was so heavy, his body just wouldn’t  **listen** , and the eye only narrowed in amusement._

_“Come now, Virgil.”_

_Please. Please, no. He tried to speak. Tried to call for help, beg for mercy, scream, **something** , but a hand clamped down on his mouth, and he couldn’t tell if it was his own or someone else’s. Hands grabbed him from behind, nails were digging into his scalp, and then the eye was inches from his face._

_“We’ve planned something special.”_

Patton blew out a relieved breath, having finally found his Nightmare Before Christmas coloring book among the clutter in his bottom drawer. He glanced at Virgil, sending him a soft smile, and turned back to the desk. Now he just needed to find that pack of crayons. He had just used them this morning, so surely—wait. He looked back at Virgil and his smile dropped.

Virgil was frozen, eyes glossy and unblinking. He looked…  _terrified_.

“Kiddo?” No answer. Patton went over, crouching in front of him and following his eyes to the book on top of the pile next to him. “Virgil? Virgil, look at me. Please, Kiddo.”

_They were laughing, always laughing, and he was trapped, choking, suffocating, and it hurt, please, please stop, it hurt, it hurt, it **hurt, please** —_

Patton grabbed the book and threw it across the room, but Virgil’s eyes were still unfocused, and small, pained noises were slipping out of his throat, and  _he wasn’t breathing, oh my gosh,_   _he wasn’t breathing_. Patton gripped Virgil by the shoulders and shook him in panic.

Virgil jerked away, falling out of the chair and scrambling backward. Patton winced at the sound of Virgil’s back hitting the wall roughly. He could hear him whimpering quietly between gasps for air.

“Virgil, it’s me.” Patton held up his hands and kneeled in front of him. He tried to leave enough space between them so that Virgil wouldn’t feel cornered. “You’re okay, Kiddo. You’re safe.”

Virgil looked at Patton with wide eyes, chest heaving, and there was a flash of recognition in his eyes. A few seconds passed.

“Pa-Patton?”

“Yeah, Kiddo. It’s me.”

They were both frozen for a moment, and then Virgil reached out a shaking hand. Patton took it, standing and pulling Virgil to his feet. Patton felt his heart clench at how much the other side was trembling, at how he was trying so hard to seem okay.  _Always trying to seem okay_. For a few moments, there were only Virgil’s shuddering breaths.

Patton placed a gentle hand on Virgil’s back and guided him over to the bed. They sat facing each other, cross-legged and knees not quite touching. He took note of Virgil’s flushed face, his unsteady hands.  _This was just like the other day_. A beat passed in silence.

“Kiddo— _Virgil_ —if you… want to talk about it. I’m here.”

Patton offered him a pillow. It was one of those soft fleece ones, and he took it gratefully, hugging it tightly to his chest. He didn’t respond, didn’t shake his head or indicate that he had heard Patton’s question at all, but Patton seemed content to wait.

 _Talk about it?_  Could he do that? If he couldn’t even look at a stupid children’s book without having a fucking panic attack or flashback or whatever the hell just happened, then how could he… He’d only come to Patton to ask a few questions, only come for a quick chat, but now he’d gone and screwed up. Again.

Seconds passed, and they continued to sit together, the only sounds in the room were of Virgil’s breathing gradually evening out. He’d thought Patton might get tired of sitting there, waiting for Virgil to speak, but no. He waited patiently. Virgil had made a complete fool of himself already, but... he’d come to talk. And Patton said he would listen. He swallowed around the fear in his throat.

“Before we… Before you guys…” Virgil could feel Patton’s eyes on him and kept his head down, resting his chin against the softness of the pillow. “I didn’t really hang out with you guys before, you know? And I, I couldn’t handle always being alo—uh, I mean, I, I spent a lot of time with… with, um…” Virgil cleared his throat, staring intently at his hands. It was so stupid, but. He still couldn’t bring himself to say their names.

Patton frowned, knowing exactly who Virgil was referring to. He didn’t miss the way Virgil’s voice wavered, didn’t miss the way he almost seemed to choke on his words. Patton felt a flash of anger.  _Stay calm._

“They loved April F-Fool’s Day, and they would always pull, uh, pull pranks on me because they thought—they thought I was the funniest to target. You know, what with, uh, how I get sometimes. Like sometimes they’d do stuff just, you know, to try and trigger a, a panic attack and sometimes they’d do other stuff just because they thought my reactions were, were funny.”

There was a beat of silence.

“They… they did things. To me. That I—I didn’t. I didn’t, uh.” Virgil huffed out a humorless laugh. He finally met Patton’s eyes, and his voice lowered to a whisper. “I didn’t think they were funny. I didn’t think they were funny at all.”

Patton swallowed, jaw set and eyes watery.  _He had to stay calm._

“What—what kind of things, Kiddo?”

Virgil looked away again. “Well they started out fine, you know, it wasn’t—at first—I mean, it wasn’t that bad—”

“Virgil.” Patton was more solemn than Virgil had ever seen him. He reached for Virgil’s hand, holding it firmly. “What kind of things.”

Virgil just wanted to run, to slink back to his room and avoid the others for the rest of his life, but… If he didn’t do this now then he felt like he’d never get it out. Virgil took a breath, looking anywhere but at Patton.

“It was different every year. Like, uh... like…”

_He would just talk about the ones that weren’t so bad. He could handle that, right? No need to freak out._

“Like, one year, they’d all slap me every time I said someone’s name, which escalated to every time I made  _any_  noise and they didn’t just slap—um. Well, that lasted for a while, but eventually I got really good at staying quiet, and the scars and stuff are almost all faded now, so... Or like, like another time when they tied me up and locked me in a closet for a few days—”

_Talking too much. **Too much, idiot** , shut up._

“—but, but, I mean, it wasn’t that bad, I mean, compared to-to last year…”

 _Woah, what the hell? Shut up. **Shut up,**   **now**._  He could feel his breathing start to speed up again. He had just managed to calm himself down, but now he felt the panic, his heart drumming frantically in his chest, his lungs burning.  _Calm down, calm down. Don’t be so fucking sensitive. Patton’s going to think you’re pathetic._

“They’re just pranks, I know that. No reason to, to freak out like an idiot. I just didn’t know what kind of stuff you guys liked to do… but then nothing happened and I just, I wanted to come and ask you, because I don’t know how much you guys like to, to draw this out…” Virgil was scrambling, searching for the right words and  _goddamn it he was still fucking shaking_. “I mean, yeah, their pranks would last for days or w-weeks, but they always  _started_  the pranks  _on_  April Fool’s Day. And—and it’s been a few days and you guys still haven’t really pulled anything, so I-I was wondering when…”

Virgil felt Patton’s hand tighten around his, and he snapped his mouth shut.  _Finally. He’d been rambling like an idiot and Patton was probably tired of it already and he should just **never fucking talk ever again**_. Virgil glanced up, and his pulse skyrocketed at Patton’s expression.

He looked absolutely  _furious_.

“Patton, I’m sorry, I didn’t—I didn’t mean to—please don’t be mad—I shouldn’t have s-said all that, you don’t have to, to tell me when—when you guys are gonna start—”

Patton squeezed Virgil’s hand again and Virgil bit his lip, blinking wetly.

“Virgil, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at… at  _them_.” Patton caught Virgil’s gaze, holding it, taking time to find the right words. “We would never  _ever_  do anything like that to you.  _Ever_. What you’re talking about… those  _weren’t_  pranks, those were… You didn’t deserve… Pranks aren’t supposed to be like that. They’re supposed to be harmless. And fun. For  _everyone_. The things that they did to you… well, all of that’s over now.”

Virgil stayed quiet, unsure of how to respond. There was no way he could just… accept all of that. So… what? Was he supposed to believe that the way they’d always done it, they way it had been for years and years, was  _wrong_? Like, suddenly, magically, everything was different now that he was in the FamILY? He didn’t dare hope for all of that to be true.

Patton pulled him in for a hug, and Virgil tensed.

“I love you so much, Kiddo.  _So_.  _Much_. And you’re safe, now. You’re  _always_  safe with me. With us. Nothing like that is ever going to happen to you again. Okay?”

Virgil slowly relaxed, releasing his hold on the pillow wedged between them and wrapping his arms around Patton. What was he thinking? Patton wasn’t like  _them_ , wasn’t like  ** _him_**. Maybe… maybe he could hope. Just a little.

“Okay, Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is very much appreciated. Good or bad, I appreciate both! Thanks so much to everyone who reads, comments, and leaves kudos!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 (last one, I swear)

Patton slowly shifted, moving Virgil off his shoulder and onto the mountain of pillows behind them. He breathed out a sigh of relief when Virgil didn’t wake from the movement.

They’d been sitting on Patton’s bed, just coloring and enjoying each other’s company, when Virgil fell asleep. Patton couldn’t blame him. The only sounds in the room had been the quiet, rhythmic scratching of crayons and Patton’s occasional humming, and the poor kiddo must have been so exhausted. He probably hadn’t been sleeping at all the past few days, constantly on edge and worried about what might happen. _Worried about what terrible things they might do to him_. Patton felt the anger flare up in his chest again, and he took a few slow breaths.

_Stay calm._

Patton reached over to gently brush Virgil’s bangs out of his face. The eye shadow was lighter than Patton had seen it in a long while, and he felt his heart clench at the thought of how long Virgil had been dealing with all of this. Alone.

Patton watched the sleeping side next to him for a few more moments before he gingerly crawled out of bed. Virgil would be safe here without him. Contrary to what some of them thought, none of the other sides could enter Patton’s room if he really didn’t want them to. Not without Thomas’s help, of course. He grabbed one of the blankets folded up at the foot of the bed and pulled it over Virgil, hovering for a few more seconds to make sure he stayed asleep. Patton turned and took two steps toward the door before he saw it.

The book.

It lay open a few feet to his right, pages face down and sticking out from underneath the cover at odd angles. Patton couldn’t seem to look away and he scanned the cover, eyes lingering on the title. _The Snake Who Said Shhh_.

He’d looked at this book a million times. Patton had kept it for the same reason that he kept all the books that were scattered throughout his room. To remember. He liked to thumb through them every now and then, liked that he could always see the memories associated with them _perfectly_ in his mind. He used to flip through this one and see light streaming through sheer curtains, see deep blue wallpaper and a wall of VHS tapes and Thomas’s cousins smiling eagerly. Now, though… now he didn’t see that. Now, he could only see Virgil. Pale and trembling and _terrified_.

**_Stay calm_**.

Patton could feel the fury swallowing him whole, burning him up from the inside out, and he was vaguely aware that he was shaking. He took a slow breath and tried to ground himself. He could feel his heart thundering in his chest, feel his lungs burning as he struggled to maintain control. Several seconds passed before the fog in his mind cleared. His breathing evened out, furious expression melting away and leaving only a blank mask of indifference.

_Focus_.

Patton tore his gaze from the book and crossed the room, closing the door quietly behind him as he went into the hall. He took another long, slow breath before he set out for Deceit’s room. _Through the commons. Take a left. Third door on the right._ _There_. He raised a steady hand and rapped sharply on the door. It was less than a minute before the door swung open.

“Ah. Patton. What a _nice_ surprise.”

“Deceit.” Patton crossed his arms. He kept his face expressionless, his voice even. “I just had a talk with Virgil.”

“Oh?” Deceit tilted his head and examined his gloves, smirking and practically oozing apathy. “ _Please_ tell me more, I’m _so_ interested in anything that _Virgil_ has to say.”

_Stay **calm**_.

Patton swallowed, taking a moment to steady himself before answering. “He told me about some things that happened to him in the past. On April Fool’s.”

Deceit looked up at Patton, finally seeming to recognize his tone, and his eyes widened almost imperceptibly. Patton caught Deceit’s gaze and held it coolly, taking note of the way Deceit’s jaw clenched. His smirk was gone.

“I don’t think I need to remind you of your _place_ , Deceit.” Patton could feel the anger boiling just beneath the surface. White hot and raw and _overwhelming_. “And I don’t think I need to explain to you exactly how I feel about what you’ve done.”

Deceit opened his mouth to answer, but then Patton was pulling him into the hallway by his collar. He pinned Deceit against the wall, his forearm pressing against the other side’s throat, and Patton’s mask cracked.

“Don’t you dare think—even for a _second_ —that I am going to let you— _or your_ _friends_ —hurt Virgil _ever_ again.” Patton didn’t react to the way Deceit was squirming beneath his arm, didn’t ease up at the sounds of him struggling for breath. “If I find out about any of you going near him again? You better believe I’ll be coming for you.”

Patton moved closer to Deceit, stopping when their eyes were just inches away, and lowered his voice to a whisper.

“And that is _not_ a lie.”

He pulled away and Deceit sagged against the wall, wheezing and tenderly covering his throat with a gloved hand. _Focus_. Patton adjusted his cardigan around his shoulders and threw on a tight smile, mask back in place again. A beat of silence passed by.

“Understood?”

Deceit nodded at Patton, avoiding his gaze as he slunk back toward his room. He shot Patton one last look, something unreadable in his eyes, before closing the door between them. Patton took a moment to just breathe, and then he continued down the hall.

_One down_.

\---

When Patton finally made it back to his room, Virgil was still asleep. He’d curled up under the blanket and was hugging a pillow to his chest tightly, bangs hanging over his eyes again and lips slightly parted. Patton listened to the other side’s faint, steady breaths and felt something in him relax a little.

Patton turned away from Virgil and stared at the book, still laying open on the floor. He walked over and picked it up, the snake staring up at him innocently. He tried to picture those happy times from Thomas’s memory, tried to remember the light and the colors and the smiles, but he could only see Virgil. His shaking hands. His wide eyes. _His terror_. Patton flipped through the book one last time, the pages wrinkling under his hands for a moment, and then the book was gone. Some things didn’t need reminding. Some things you didn’t want to remember.

_Some things you could never forget_.

Patton went to the bed and cleared away the coloring books and crayons, moving quickly and quietly. He put them on his desk, deciding to leave them out in case Virgil still wanted to use them once he woke up, before crawling back into bed. He tried to be careful, tried not to jostle the sleeping side too much, but then he heard a hitch in Virgil’s breathing. Patton looked down and winced, guilt settling heavily in his stomach. Virgil was staring up at him with bleary eyes.

“Patton?” His voice was hoarse from sleep. Patton smiled down at him softly, reaching out to brush the bangs away from his eyes again. The eye shadow was darker now that he’d woken up, and Patton felt the guilt intensify.

“Hey, kiddo. Sorry I woke you.”

“S’okay.” Virgil took a deep breath, pushing himself up and letting the blanket fall from his shoulder. He ran a hand over his face and glanced around the room for a moment before looking back at Patton. “I’m, uh. I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.”

“No need to apologize, kiddo. You can come here anytime that you need… well, anything.” Patton chuckled, noting the shy smile that tugged at Virgil’s lips, but then he sobered. “How are you feeling?”

Virgil’s smile faltered. He looked away, shrugging. “I’m—I’m okay.”

He could see the way Virgil’s eyes hardened, saw him tense up and duck his head as his eye shadow got darker by the second. There they were again. The walls that Virgil always put up to hide how much he was hurting. Patton couldn’t help but wonder about all the reasons Virgil might’ve felt the need to throw up those walls in the past. To make something less _funny_ by hiding how much he was really hurt. To act like something hadn’t affected him all that much. To avoid ridicule, or to hide his fear, or to minimize what had happened so he could keep pretending everything was okay. That _he_ was okay.

Patton’s vision swam at the thought, and he placed a hand on Virgil’s knee.

“You don’t have to do that, Virge. You don’t have to… pretend. It’s okay to not be okay.”

Virgil sighed and looked up at him again. Several seconds passed in silence, but then Virgil’s mouth twitched back into a small, lopsided smile and his eyes softened.

“You’re right, Pat. I’m… not okay.” Patton saw another flash of something in his eyes. This time it was something like determination. Something like courage. “I’m not okay, but I think, maybe—maybe I’m… going to be.”

Patton smiled, a mixture of pride and sadness and affection jumbling around in his chest, and he could practically see Virgil’s walls starting to crack. Virgil took Patton’s hand, relaxing when Patton responded with a dazzling smile.

“You will be, Kiddo.” _And I’m gonna be right here_. _Whenever and however you need me_. “You will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Here's the thing. I hate writing endings, and I'm never, ever satisfied with them. But I'm gonna go ahead and post this anyway. This WILL be the last chapter lol and this time I actually mean it. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading <3
> 
> Also, I'm so grateful for every single comment that my fics get. They are literally what keeps me writing, and they make me so freaking happy. I woke up to such a nice comment this morning and was like "okay yeah I'm gonna finish this stupid thing BY TODAY GOSH DARN IT." So, for those of you who leave comments, thank you all for being so awesome.
> 
> Finally, some people were wondering about the details of what happened to Virgil last year, but I just couldn't really find a place to put more details about it that made sense with how the story was going, so if you're interested then here's the gist (tw it's very dark):
> 
> he was drugged and kidnapped, taken to somewhere where it's dark af so he could barely see, ropes were involved, and they basically just. took turns choking/smothering him and honestly just beating the shit out of him. They thought it was goddamn hilarious, especially the choking stuff because he was crying and panicking and begging them to stop. He passed out a few times when they got carried away. After several hours, they got bored and left him there by himself, but they would occasionally come to check on him just to see if he was still tied up. He never did manage to get himself free from the ropes (they'd gotten better at it since the one time he'd managed to free himself from that closet), and it was a few days after he'd stopped begging that they finally let him free (because if he's not begging, not crying, not reacting at all to it anymore, then what's the fun in that?) Virgil still can't be in the dark without panicking, he still flinches anytime it looks like someone might be reaching for his throat. But it's been a year, and he'd gotten really good at hiding how much things like that affect him. 
> 
> That's pretty much the general idea, and if I had written about this in detail it would just have been... really dark. But there really wasn't a place to put it without it flowing weirdly, and idk if anyone wants that anyway, so here you go! Have the angst without me having to put in actual effort and writing it haha
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: look at this [amazing art](https://prettyinaccurate.tumblr.com/post/174004028732/a-commission-based-on-april-fools)!


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